New boys is not lookish so goodish

London Fields 158/5 defeated New Boys 154/4

Part time hay slasher and pig farmer Yorta Ztu reports:

I from Bulgaria just holiday one week to see cousin from uncle side (the one who run farm of spot pig in homeland) – Tyrone. He good man and respect big in home country cause has moustache (although extra bit on chin not so fashion hot). He tell me late I play cricket for team. He call me ringer. In Bulgaria this mean licky of poop part but he tell me no same here. I play not for time since 1987 after wood strike finished in Belarus and timber now can be used for to makest hit bat. I nervous.

Some men toss – I look away. New boy gets hits first and we to bowls balls. Some Englishes mens first bowls. Stefan look quick and I shitty to think to hits this speedy ball. 2 overs and new boys is hitting 16 runners. Also first is Dave – he makes 2 men go off field and Tyrone's friends to cheer him and slap bot. Also cousin is sending backs one of new boy and man in the lead of team, Will also does same. Much touching of hands and shoulders and some sneaky to bot. I is forced to throw some and cousin taked catch and new boy go back to. I having to turn much to stop mens touchy on bots.

New boy Rafu getted 51 runners and he leave for bit. Some others 27 and 28 runners. 1 new boy score no runners and he looked like prize winning pig been fall down sick sick.

Some Tyrone friends saying it dark and hard to see balls. I shitty some more cause balls hard and maybe hurt best hay slashing arm if hits it. Mens Paul and Alex wear big cushion leg and glove and putting the fake pee pee in long pants then take bats (what a country that bats been made with no strikers for timber!) and seek to “keep heads down and play self in”. This from leads man Will. I thinking this a strange game and wishing instead for game of Kurtzen houster in barn.

Open mens good start and Paul score 28 runners but Alex friend leave field with 3 runners and cousin team looking not so good. Lead Will talk loud and runners much fast but he let downed by some mens in team. Man in jeans call self Jason smelling little like Papa's potato distil party drink in barn barrel. He look best cause has mens playing crickets on tshirt but this to fool team I think cause he leave field with 2 runners and leads man drop head. Rafu new boy bowl quick and I still shitty thinking I soon to batter for cousin team. Rafu speedy bowl and small tree three of them knock down and bowler man Dave coming back to side as well. Thens I have costume and walk to Leads man Will. He telling me much of Rafu new boy and say I must keep wicket. I tighten bot hole and copy friends in team I see from side. I have funs and hay arm stay safety. Then I feels dark belly cause lead man Will have small tree three of them knock down and leave field.

Speedy bowler man Stefan come to be with me but I feels not too good. He has the hit stick with pink holder rubber. In Bulgaria he feel fist and kick from mens cause they think he poop hole ringer for pink loving. I think maybe not his bat but friends bat cause he hit balls good and mens in new boys team runs but we don't and man behind small trees wave arm like brother Holga waved goodbye after shoulder injured in wheat machine. Much claps from Tyrone my cousin and friends. I think bests to keep speedy hard balls from hay arm and swings hit stick and balls is flying much far. I runners hard like lead Will man does but much often low waving man says to me ball gone and I to stop. Ball not gone cause it come back and new boys team dropping the head and saying the words used only in Bulgaria for mens to show love of wife, like shitty, and fucker. Then new friend Stefan hit balls to field and we runner and cheering from Tyrone and friends and we stop game and people touching shoulder and hand and bot but this time not mind cause have pee pee fake and they no touch there. Some mens say thank you for hitting balls far and tells me I score 49 runners not out but I confused cause had to leave fields. Lead mans Will say we winned 158 runners they only 154 or near.

Then cousin and friends take me to pub which again remind of Papa potato barrel smell and I not sure what happening when mens all to drinked cold pee pee with the bubble but I drinks some cause cousin tell me not so bad. I is drinking many and mens is telling stories from trip to country near home – Slovenia - where lead mans Will have bot slap from cousin and friend and they say he make sound like mens do with ladies in the warm area. I sees pink on his bag of padded hands and legs things and I think things much different in Lunden then Bulgaria. Much cousins friends slapping the back when leave but I protect hay arm and they say I good ringer and I is thinking this better than washing mud from pig bot back in homelend.